For all the people who think that terrorists are badly
treated, please read this and act upon it.
Adopt a terrorist
A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the
Government, complaining about the treatment of captive
insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National
Correctional System
Facilities. She received back the following reply:
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2 Canada
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound
concern Of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists
captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently
transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently
being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National
Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your
opinions Were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will
be pleased to Learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
yourself; we are Creating a new department here at the
Department of National Defense, To be called 'Liberals
Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K.
For short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we
have Decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your
personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and
is scheduled for Transportation under heavily armed guard to
your residence in Toronto Next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed
bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you personally Demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for You to
hire some assistant caretakers.. We will conduct weekly
Inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed
are Commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in
your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we
hope that Your sensitivity to what you described as his
'attitudinal problem' Will help him overcome these
character flaws. Perhaps you are correct In describing these
problems as mere cultural differences. We Understand that
you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in
hand-to-hand Combat and can extinguish human life with such
simple items as a Pencil or nail clippers. We advise that
you do not ask him to
Demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is
also expert at Making a wide variety of explosive devices
from common household Products, so you may wish to keep
those items locked up, unless (in Your opinion) this might
offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters
(except Sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form
of property. This Is a particularly sensitive subject for
him and he has been known to Show violent tendencies around
women who fail to comply with the new Dress code that he
will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure You
will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over
time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting
his culture and Religious beliefs' as described in your
letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when
folks Like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our
job and care for Our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed
and remember, we'll be Watching. Good luck and God bless
you.
Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense